1. Show empathy
When addressing a concern with a business partner or employee, start by expressing empathy. Show acceptance and acknowledge the difficulties the other person is experiencing. For example, say, “I know it must be really hard to balance you workload right now with every thing you have going on in your personal life.” Use reflective listening and normalize the other person’s feeling of ambivalence.
2. Amplify discrepancy
Point out the discrepancies you notice between the person’s goal and his behavior. Saying something like, “I hear you say your job is the most important thing to you, but I see that you show up to work at least 10 minutes late every day,” is a non-judgmental way to help the other person see when his behavior doesn’t line up with his goals.
3. Resist arguing
Arguing will likely be useless if you’re tying to motivate someone to change a behavior. If you’re meeting with a co-worker who’s upset that his colleagues complain he’s a slacker, ask him why his co-workers might say that about him. Ask questions and keep the conversation focused on the facts.
4. Roll with resistance
If your employee says he’s not going to do anything different, ordering him to do so will likely lead to a defensive response. Instead, help him acknowledge the consequence of not changing his behavior. Ask a question such as, “I hear you saying you aren’t going to listen to your supervisors request to do the project differently. What do you think will happen if you keep doing it your way?”
4. Support self-efficacy
Support the other person’s personal responsibility in making change. Work to establish a goal with reasonable, attainable action steps. Find one small thing the other person can commit to changing. Clarify the plan by saying, “You’re willing to meet with your supervisor once a week to review your reports and you will use the time to focus on your productivity. Did I understand that right?”
Although instant transformation isn’t likely to result from a single conversation, discussing a person’s ambivalence in a non-threatening manner can be a good way to get the conversation started. Sometimes just being able to express their concerns can help other people become more open to change. Use motivational interviewing on an ongoing basis to continue reviewing barriers and obstacles to change.
