313 — Tired of People Draining You? The Empathy Rule That Protects Your Energy Without Making You Cold With Dr. D. Ivan Young

The Mental Strength Playbook⁠ is out now. Order your copy today.
 
Do you have someone in your life who only calls when they need something? Maybe it’s the relative who always goes from one crisis to the next, the friend who vents for an hour and never asks how you’re doing, or the coworker who treats you like their personal therapist.
 
You care about them but you feel drained by them too. Fortunately, you can show real empathy while also setting boundaries. And this might be the best thing for both you and the other person.
 
My guest today is Dr. D. Ivan Young, a master certified coach and empathy expert. His new book is Leading from the Heart, and in this conversation he breaks down how to show up for the people you love without losing yourself in the process.
 
Some of the things we discuss are:
 

• Why “putting on a brave face” is actually a performance — and what it’s costing you
• The drowning analogy that finally makes the difference between sympathy and empathy make sense
• How to call out the elephant in the room before a tense meeting (and why it instantly changes the dynamic)
• The “come alongside” rule that can help you start a conversation without triggering a fight
• What to say to a friend going through something you’ve never experienced yourself
• Why open-ended questions are more powerful than any advice you could give
• The “cupcake and a candle” ritual for when you need to feel your feelings and move on
• How to tell if you’re empowering someone or quietly enabling them
• What to do (and not say) when a neighbor or coworker is grieving
• The uncomfortable truth about why the same kind of person keeps showing up in your life

Key Takeaways:

• Empathy involves being present and offering emotional support without feeling compelled to solve others’ problems.
• Open-ended questions can foster growth, both in you and the person you’re asking.
• Setting boundaries is essential to offering genuine support.
• Empathy, toward yourself and others, enriches relationships and contributes to mental strength.