1. Behave Like a Social Person

Ask yourself, “What would I do if I felt confident in my social skills?” Then, take steps to do those things. Maybe you look someone in the eye, shake hands, or ask more questions. 

Observe what well-skilled social people do to get tips and strategies. You don’t have to copy them, but you can use what you learn to sharpen your social skills.

Don’t allow anxiety to hold you back. Make the decision to talk to new people and to enter into conversations even when you’re feeling nervous about it.

With practice, you’ll feel less anxious. And each social interaction is an opportunity to practice your social skills. 

2. Start Small if Necessary

If going to a big social event feels overwhelming, start small. Practice in low-key situations.

Go into the grocery store and say, “Thank you,” to the clerk or go to a restaurant and order your food. Practice making a phone call, asking someone a question, or just making eye contact and smiling.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

If you want the attention off you in a conversation, ask good questions. When you encourage others to talk, you don’t have to say much. 

Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer and you may open the door to invite the other person to keep the conversation going. For example, instead of asking someone, “Did you enjoy the show?” ask, “What was your favorite part about the show?” 

4. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

Most people really enjoy talking about themselves. Ask a question about the other person’s career, hobbies, or pets. Show interest in what’s being said and try to listen and stay attentive. 

Don’t worry too much about what you’re going to say next–ask follow up questions naturally. Show curiosity but avoid turning into an interview or an interrogation style conversation.

5. Create Goals For Yourself

Establish some small goals for yourself. Perhaps you want to practice one particular skill (like starting one conversation a day with a stranger) or maybe you want to start attending a specific social activity (like a book club).

Establish a goal and commit to following through. When you make a mistake, remember to celebrate your courage for trying and view it as a learning opportunity.  

6. Offer Compliments Generously

Compliments can be a great way to open the door to a conversation. Offer a co-worker a compliment on a presentation he gave at a meeting or compliment your neighbor on their lawn.

Compliments can show others that you are friendly. Just be sure to avoid complimenting people on their appearance. Point out things about their personality, their hard work, or other things you find interesting.

7. Read Books About Social Skills

There are many books on the market that can help you learn specific social skills and ways to start conversations.

However, keep in mind that reading about these skills won’t make you an expert. You’ll need to practice them over and over again.

8. Practice Good Manners

Good manners go a long way in improving social skills. Practice being polite, showing gratitude, and using good table manners.

If you aren’t sure what the etiquette is in a particular situation, ask someone. It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “I’m not quite sure what the etiquette here is. Can you help me?” Most people are more than willing to help someone who is humble and interested in learning.

9. Pay Attention to Your Body Language

Non-verbal communication is very important. Pay attention to the type of body language you use.

Try to appear relaxed, make appropriate amounts of eye contact, and appear open to conversation.

10. Join a Social Skills Support Group

Many communities offer social skill support groups. Support groups help people who feel shy, awkward, or extremely anxious in social situations learn and practice new skills.

You’ll start improving social skills and may be able to form new friendships with people who can relate to your struggles. Contact your local behavioral health center if you aren’t sure where to turn. 

11. Stay Up to Date on Current Events

Read up on current trends and news stories so you have something to talk about with people.

Try to avoid anything that is too controversial, such as politics, but do talk about other news stories that may be of interest.

It can be a great way to start a conversation and can help you stick to neutral subjects.

12. Identify and Replace Negative Thoughts

If you have a lot of negative thoughts about your social interactions, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, if you think, “I’m really awkward and I will embarrass myself,” you might sit in the corner by yourself. When no one talks to you, you’ll reinforce your belief that you’re awkward.  

Identify negative thoughts that are dragging you down. Respond to them them with more realistic thoughts such as, “I can make conversation and I can meet new people.”

Sharpen Your Skills

Good social skills are essential for effective communication. If you find socializing with others a challenge, trust that you’re not alone. It’s something a lot of people struggle with. Fortunately, a little practice can go a long way to helping you gain confidence. It can also reduce your loneliness, which is essential for good mental health.