1. I should feel differently. 

So often people will say things like, “I know I shouldn’t be so upset over something so little,” or, “I really should be happier than I am.” 

But there aren’t any rules about emotions and your emotional response isn’t wrong. Rather than waste energy beating yourself up over how you feel, accept that you feel that particular emotion right now. At the same time, trust that you have choices in how you respond to that emotion.

2. I can’t control how I feel. 

Even though your emotions aren’t wrong, that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in a particular mood. You can choose to make changes that will influence the way you feel. 

If you want to change the way you feel, change one of two things–your thoughts or your behavior. Thinking or doing something different can shift the intensity and duration of a feeling. It’s not meant to suppress the emotion but it can help you work through it constructively.

3. Venting will make me feel better. 

A widely held misconception is that if you’re not talking to everyone about your feelings, you must be “suppressing your emotions” or “stuffing your feelings.” But research shows venting is bad for your mental health.

Punching a pillow or calling everyone you know to tell them how bad your day was will only increase your arousal and won’t make you feel better. Complaining adds fuel to the fire and causes you to feel worse. 

4. Trying to control my emotions is synonymous with behaving like a robot. 

Sometimes people think that regulating their emotions means trying to act as if they don’t have feelings. But, that’s not the case. A realistic view of emotions shows that we’re capable of experiencing a wide range of emotions but we don’t have to be controlled by those emotions. 

After a hard day, choosing to do something to help you feel better – as opposed to staying in a bad mood – is a healthy skill. Emotion regulation skills are key to living a better life.

5. Other people have the power to make me feel certain emotions. 

So often, people will say things like, “My boss makes me so mad,” or, “My co-worker makes me feel so bad about myself.” But in reality, no one can make you feel anything. Other people may influence how you feel, but you are the only one in charge of your emotions.

6. I can’t handle uncomfortable emotions. 

When people doubt their ability to tolerate certain emotions, it leads to avoidance. Someone who experiences frequent bouts of anxiety may pass up opportunities to be promoted. A person who feels uncomfortable with confrontation may avoid meeting with a co-worker to problem-solve a situation. 

Learning to deal with uncomfortable emotions directly builds confidence. When you don’t allow your emotions to rule your behavior, you’ll learn you can handle a lot more than you imagined.

7. Negative emotions are bad. 

It’s easy to categorize emotions as being good or bad, but feelings in themselves aren’t positive or negative. It’s what we choose to do with those emotions that can make the difference. 

Anger, for example, often gets a bad rap. While it can cause you to hurt a loved one’s feelings, it can also give you the courage to stand up for yourself. Many of the world’s positive changes wouldn’t have ever occurred if activists hadn’t gotten angry about injustices they witnessed.

8. Showing emotion is a sign of weakness. 

While it’s a healthy social skill to be able to behave professionally even when you’re not feeling at the top of your game, letting your guard down at socially appropriate times isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, being aware of your emotions and making a conscious decision to share those emotions with others – when it’s socially appropriate to do so- can be a sign of strength.

Developing an awareness and understanding of your emotions can be complicated when you’re not used to thinking about how you feel. Just like most skills in life, with practice your ability to recognize, tolerate and regulate your emotions will improve. Increased emotional self-awareness is key to achieving success in your personal and professional life.

Want to learn more? Check out this episode of the Mentally Stronger podcast where I take a deep dive into this topic – 224: 8 Myths About Feelings That Can Sabotage Your Emotional Intelligence.