303 — Stop Trying to Fix People’s Problems—Here’s How to Truly Connect Instead with Psychotherapist Nidhi Tewari

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What if trying to fix other people’s problems is actually making things worse?
 
When a loved one comes to us with a problem, our first instinct is often to jump in and solve it. But what if the best way to support them isn’t about fixing anything at all?
 
My guest today is Nidhi Tewari, a licensed clinical social worker and expert in the power of attunement. She’s the author of the new book Working Well and today she’s talking about how to connect more deeply with the people—both at work and in our personal lives.
 
Some of the things we discuss in this episode are:
 

• Why trying to fix someone’s problems often backfires.
• How to manage your own discomfort when a loved one is struggling.
• What attunement is and how it builds deeper connections.
• The neurobiological magic that happens when we truly connect with others.
• Why asking “What do you need?” is more powerful than assuming.
• How to repair a relationship when you’ve said the wrong thing.
• Why “I’m here for you” isn’t always enough—and what to say instead.
• How to recognize when you’re overstepping or pushing your own agenda.
• The four key skills to master attunement in your relationships.

Key Takeaways:

• Shift From Fixing to Feeling: Rather than offering quick solutions, validate and support the emotional needs of others.
• Embrace Attunement: Learning to adapt in real-time to verbal and non-verbal cues can help you build more meaningful connections.
• Manage Your Discomfort: Recognizing and regulating your own anxiety when someone else is struggling allows you to be more supportive.
• Navigating Miscommunication: Employ the AVP framework—Acknowledge, Validate, Plan—to mend missteps.
• Explore Through Curiosity: Asking open-ended questions can help people develop their own solutions.