325 — Harvard Psychiatrist: The #1 Mistake People Make When They Try to Work on Themselves with Dr. Paul Conti

Think about the last time you tried to work on yourself. Chances are you started with a list of everything that’s wrong with you — what you don’t like, what you should be doing, and what you want to “fix.”
 
But what if thinking about yourself as “broken” is the thing that’s keeping you stuck? My guest today is Dr. Paul Conti, a Harvard- and Stanford-trained psychiatrist who runs the group practice Pacific Premier Group. He started out in the business world, but after losing his brother to suicide, he turned to mental health full-time. He’s the author of Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic and his new book, What’s Going Right.
 
Some of the things we discuss are:
 

• Why leading with “what’s wrong with me” might make you avoid looking at your mental health altogether
• How losing his brother to suicide changed how Dr. Conti sees high-functioning people who are silently struggling
• The three drives that shape your mental health — and the one that determines whether you actually feel happy with your life
• Why high-functioning, hard-working people often have a low generative drive without realizing it
• Why doing more isn’t always the answer — and when doing less is a better choice
• The two completely opposite stories you can tell about your own life (and why you get to choose which one is true)
• The question to ask yourself every morning that shifts you out of dread

Key Takeaways:

• Start with Strengths: Focusing on what’s going right is as crucial as identifying what’s wrong and builds a foundation for improving mental health.
• The Three Drives: Understanding assertion, pleasure, and generative drives can balance our mental health and lead to a more meaningful life.
• Normalize Mental Health Conversations: Treat mental health like physical health without the stigma.
• Generativity for Growth: Engaging in activities that contribute positively to the world enhances our own mental health and happiness.
• Reframe Your Story: How you choose to view past events influences your mental health today; focus on a balanced narrative that includes resilience and personal strengths.