332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

Have you ever been upset and had one person tell you to just sit with your feelings—while someone else insists you should snap out of it and take control? Which approach is right?
 
The answer is that it depends on the situation. In today’s episode, I’ll show you that the most important emotional strength skill is knowing which one the moment calls for.
 
Some of the things I talk about are:
 

• Why “sit with it” and “change it” aren’t actually contradictory—and the framework that ties them together.
• Why an emotion isn’t positive or negative on its own, and what actually determines whether it helps you or hurts you.
• How the exact same anxiety can be your friend while you pay a stack of bills and your enemy on the way to the stage.
• The surprising research on how a “good” emotion like excitement can push you into a decision you’d never make calmly.
• The personal story of returning to work after losing my husband—and what grief taught me about when to feel a feeling and when to turn the volume down.
• The three questions that tell you, in the moment, whether a feeling is your friend or your enemy (you only need to answer one).
• What to actually do once you have your answer—and why changing a feeling isn’t avoiding it, and sitting with one isn’t weakness.

Key Takeaways:

• Sitting with your feelings versus changing them isn’t mutually exclusive. The situation determines the best approach.
• Emotions aren’t positive or negative. 
• Emotional strength is about matching your emotional response to the demands of the current situation.