177 — Stop Nodding and Smiling: Here’s How to Handle Moments You’ll Regret Later with Dr. Sunita Sah

You probably grew up learning that compliance is a good thing. And you might assume you know when to break the rules — like if you’re asked to do something unethical or immoral. However, research shows we often underestimate how likely we are to go with the flow or follow directions, even when those actions go against our values.
 
Dr. Sunita Sah is an award-winning professor at Cornell University and an expert in organizational psychology. She has spent years studying the psychological impact of compliance and defiance. She’s also the author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands a Yes.
 

Some of the things we discuss are:
 

• Examples of the consequences of being overly compliant
• How to redefine defiance for yourself
• How to cope with “insinuation anxiety”
• How to develop an action plan for defiance
• Why defiance is a skill and how it can be honed
• The societal benefits of defiance

Key Takeaways:

• Redefining defiance as a positive force: It’s about aligning your actions with your true values despite external pressures.
• Compliance vs. defiance: Understanding when compliance may harm your values and mental health.
• Importance of an action plan: Preparing scripts and anticipating scenarios to uphold your values.
• The empathy gap: Why people often do not act in accordance with their values and how to bridge this gap.
• Practicing defiance: Like any skill, standing up for your values improves with practice and intentionality.