©2025 – Amy Morin, LCSW. All Rights Reserved
©2025 – Amy Morin, LCSW. All Rights Reserved
Shame can lead to a negative spiral that keeps us trapped in a painful place. Whether you experienced childhood trauma or you feel shame about a mistake you made, shame often leads to secrecy, social isolation, and self-sabotage. Fortunately, there are steps we can take to heal from shame so we can live our best lives.
Sheila Rubin is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the author of Embracing Shame, and a shame expert. Some of the things she talks about are why we experience shame, the problems it can cause, and the steps we can take to heal from it.
Key Takeaways:
“Shame is the breaking of the interpersonal bridge.” – Sheila Rubin
“Toxic shame, too much shame. But a little bit of shame can actually be helpful, and it can actually be a guide to help us with our shame, to transform it into healthy shame.” – Sheila Rubin
“Self-compassion is key. And to be able to have even a little self-compassion, even 2% of self-compassion, and I do self-compassion like a hand on the heart, breathing in and just having a little bit of self-compassion and saying, I blew it. I have self-compassion, and I’m going to not blow it as bad next time because I’m learning and I’m pausing and I’m growing, and I’m good enough just as I am.” – Sheila Rubin
0:01:16 Introduction to Sheila Rubin
0:04:08 Importance of embracing shame
0:05:10 Definition of shame as the breaking of the interpersonal bridge
0:08:17 The role of childhood experiences in shame
0:09:38 Example of shame in parenting and repairing the bridge
0:11:45 How to address personal shame from childhood experiences
0:12:25 Importance of attachment and countershaming in parenting
0:13:10 Allowing children to have all their feelings, including embarrassment and shame.
0:14:16 Embracing shame and understanding that everyone makes mistakes.
0:16:04 Behaviors and struggles of adults with a fair amount of shame.
0:17:52 Inner conversation and self-criticism related to shame.
0:18:29 Shame perpetuating bigger problems and creating more shame.
0:19:24 Exploring the secret conversation and coping mechanisms related to shame.
0:21:16 Link between shame and trauma, and how trauma can lead to shame.
0:23:08 The role of healthy shame and setting boundaries.
0:24:50 Differentiating between healthy and toxic shame.
0:26:23 Choosing to have a whisper of shame and creating a whole life.
0:27:48 Differentiating healthy shame from toxic shame
0:28:23 Negative behaviors resulting from toxic shame
0:29:13 The importance of pausing and reassessing in moments of shame
0:30:30 Self-compassion as a key component in healing shame
0:32:17 The freedom of having even a little self-compassion
0:33:42 The phenomenon of self-sabotage and countering it
0:35:32 Healing the inner child and transforming shame
0:36:56 Using imagination to heal and protect the inner child
0:39:10 The struggle of talking about shameful experiences in therapy
0:40:42 Welcoming shame and creating a safe space for disclosure
0:41:18 Sheila discusses the importance of talking about shame.
0:42:12 Sheila addresses the fear of judgment and shares her perspective.
0:44:02 Sheila emphasizes the power of forgiveness and healing.
0:47:00 Therapist’s Take
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Visit Sheila’s website – SheilaRubin.com
Check out Sheila’s book – Embracing Shame
Buy Amy’s books on mental strength
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Email the show — Podcast@AmyMorinLCSW.com
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