89 — Dealing With a Narcissist? How to Empower Yourself with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Narcissists are everywhere. And whether your boss is a narcissist, or you’re in a relationship with one, their behavior can take a toll on you if you’re not prepared. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to stay mentally strong when they’re trying to manipulate you, they’re blaming you, and they’re acting out.
 
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed psychologist who has authored several books on narcissism, including It’s Not You. Her work focuses on studying the impact that narcissism and high-conflict personality styles have on relationships and mental health. Some of the things she talks about today are how to recognize a narcissist, how to diffuse a situation with a narcissist, and how to stay mentally strong when you’re dealing with one.

Key Takeaways:

• Recognize that narcissistic behavior tends to be consistent and unlikely to change; acceptance is crucial for your mental well-being.
• When engaging with a narcissist, practice the “don’t go deep” approach, which entails not defending, explaining, engaging, or personalizing to avoid fruitless conflicts.
• Establishing boundaries in narcissistic relationships is necessary for self-protection; this often involves changing your own behaviors rather than expecting the narcissist to change.
• Self-care and seeking a supportive network are vital for those in relationships with narcissists to mitigate the emotional and physical toll.
• The “natural experiment” strategy can help you assess the impact of the narcissistic person’s absence and make informed decisions about the relationship.